It was Christmas… and again, just like every year I was absolutely broke and couldn’t afford some presents I wanted for my family. And I needed a new toilet seat as the colour had drained from my old one, and it had broken free from it’s moorings and sailed away as I doubt it could face my bjg butt one more time. So although I needed the money for Christmas presents I pondered if I should buy a toilet seat instead? I could put my old one back for now and get one later, but ironically a friend wanted to visit the hardware store, so off we went. And even more coincidental he was buying a toilet seat! So there I was in the store looking at toilet seats, helping him pick a nice one, because he could afford it. I was secretly admiring the most expensive one, it had sand and sea shells all over and I loved it. But there was a cheap thin plastic one, only £12 so I bought it as that would do for now, then took it home but never took it out of the box.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the sea shell seat I loved, beautiful pattern, heavy duty to cope with my ass and thought I have nothing for Christmas, so surely to god I’m worthy of a decent toilet seat? So I decided to go back and change it for the expensive one, and on the way home, happy as Larry I called in my little corner shop and bought myself one small scratch card. And I won a £100 on a one pound scratch card, it was incredible and that paid for the very last of the presents I needed, plus a few lottery tickets!